By Sarah Weintraub
"Truth is harder than a lie..."
So much reality in these 6 words.
To be truthful with yourself means to face the mirror, take responsibility for your role in the chain of events, to put your heart on display, and become vulnerable. Truth.
The truth, I am not joyful all the time, lately, more often than not, I am questioning God and angry by some of the events of the past that are coming full circle again.
I want to wave my white flag and surrender to the plans of the enemy rather than go through the heartbreak of watching our girls try to understand why their older brother and sister make the choices they do. Surrender to the feelings of "this is never going to change so why bother". Surrender to the bitterness and anger that is just on the brink of erupting from within my soul. Surrender to the reality that this life can just be plain awful.
Stepmomhood has changed me, in some ways for the better, in others for the not so better (intended bad grammar, wink wink). Who dreams about being a Stepmom? Honestly, a Mom, yes, a Stepmom, not so much.
If I'm honest with myself and you, the truth is I'm a mess, a hot mess that most days has me questioning my own sanity. The ups and downs, twists and turns we went through when they were younger is nothing compared to facing the reality that they are young adults and their choices are no longer dictated by a parent who would have preferred our non-existence in their lives. Unfortunately, that mindset has penetrated deep inside them and shapes their choices.
I am repeatedly disappointed that their choices favor the dysfunction of the past rather than the freedom of the future. Angry? Yep...at the court system that failed us, at the system that is designed to protect children yet failed to do just that, at the judicial mindset that Moms are better than Dads, at all of it. Days of just being angry at the injustice of it all, how unfair that we have to repeatedly deal with the hurts of the past just as we start to heal from them.
Music is my healing balm, the Bible, friends who have watched this life destroy me from the inside out, but music, music speaks to my soul and draws me back to the One who can heal me, help me grow, and move past it all. I am loved by Him even in these moments of raw emotional hurt that makes me angry and bitter. Loved right where I am, joyful or not, still loved.
"'Cause Love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy is waiting on the other side..."
Love is the answer to my continued healing. It does not mean that I will spend my days joyfully accepting the hurt, just that as God's love washes over me, I can find comfort in His presence and allow it to help restore my joy.
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the mindset that every day has to be a bed of roses. They won't be because life is just not like that no matter how strong your faith. Even when Jesus walked this Earth He had not so good days - facing the devil in the desert, dealing with the Pharisees, ect. His life was not always a joyful walk, it was a real walk filled with emotions and a pursuit of the reason He was created.
If you get nothing from this other than this right here, I've accomplished what I've felt led to share: do not be afraid of your emotions and pretend everything is ok when it's not. Let people in, let Jesus into your heart. He wants us to be real with Him, heart visible, no walls, just raw honest emotions and feelings. Invisible chains that become visible are easier for Him to break off of us. It's ok to be angry (not Criminal Minds show worthy stuff though). Emotions are healthy, it's how we act on them that can make or break us.
From this point on...let's be honest, truth filled, stepmom sisters on a journey that will never be one size fits all, unique to each of us. If we're honest...it's hard!
If We're Honest
By Francesca Battistelli
Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay
our secrets down at the cross, at the cross
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're hones
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
"Truth is harder than a lie..."
So much reality in these 6 words.
To be truthful with yourself means to face the mirror, take responsibility for your role in the chain of events, to put your heart on display, and become vulnerable. Truth.
The truth, I am not joyful all the time, lately, more often than not, I am questioning God and angry by some of the events of the past that are coming full circle again.
I want to wave my white flag and surrender to the plans of the enemy rather than go through the heartbreak of watching our girls try to understand why their older brother and sister make the choices they do. Surrender to the feelings of "this is never going to change so why bother". Surrender to the bitterness and anger that is just on the brink of erupting from within my soul. Surrender to the reality that this life can just be plain awful.
Stepmomhood has changed me, in some ways for the better, in others for the not so better (intended bad grammar, wink wink). Who dreams about being a Stepmom? Honestly, a Mom, yes, a Stepmom, not so much.
If I'm honest with myself and you, the truth is I'm a mess, a hot mess that most days has me questioning my own sanity. The ups and downs, twists and turns we went through when they were younger is nothing compared to facing the reality that they are young adults and their choices are no longer dictated by a parent who would have preferred our non-existence in their lives. Unfortunately, that mindset has penetrated deep inside them and shapes their choices.
I am repeatedly disappointed that their choices favor the dysfunction of the past rather than the freedom of the future. Angry? Yep...at the court system that failed us, at the system that is designed to protect children yet failed to do just that, at the judicial mindset that Moms are better than Dads, at all of it. Days of just being angry at the injustice of it all, how unfair that we have to repeatedly deal with the hurts of the past just as we start to heal from them.
Music is my healing balm, the Bible, friends who have watched this life destroy me from the inside out, but music, music speaks to my soul and draws me back to the One who can heal me, help me grow, and move past it all. I am loved by Him even in these moments of raw emotional hurt that makes me angry and bitter. Loved right where I am, joyful or not, still loved.
"'Cause Love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy is waiting on the other side..."
Love is the answer to my continued healing. It does not mean that I will spend my days joyfully accepting the hurt, just that as God's love washes over me, I can find comfort in His presence and allow it to help restore my joy.
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the mindset that every day has to be a bed of roses. They won't be because life is just not like that no matter how strong your faith. Even when Jesus walked this Earth He had not so good days - facing the devil in the desert, dealing with the Pharisees, ect. His life was not always a joyful walk, it was a real walk filled with emotions and a pursuit of the reason He was created.
If you get nothing from this other than this right here, I've accomplished what I've felt led to share: do not be afraid of your emotions and pretend everything is ok when it's not. Let people in, let Jesus into your heart. He wants us to be real with Him, heart visible, no walls, just raw honest emotions and feelings. Invisible chains that become visible are easier for Him to break off of us. It's ok to be angry (not Criminal Minds show worthy stuff though). Emotions are healthy, it's how we act on them that can make or break us.
From this point on...let's be honest, truth filled, stepmom sisters on a journey that will never be one size fits all, unique to each of us. If we're honest...it's hard!
If We're Honest
By Francesca Battistelli
Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay
our secrets down at the cross, at the cross
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're hones
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
Recent
Archive
2023
December
2022
2021
January
March
May
July
October
December
2020
March
August
September
2019
September
2018
January
April
November
2017
April
October
November
December
2016
November
December
2015
February
March
Categories
no categories